Daughter-In-Law Refuses to Succumb to Mother-In-Law’s Irrational Payment Request

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    12 VYMIVY OLLARS U Seary of the Tr LEILIGRA 531334 C 12 THE UNIT TI NOTE IS LES RICA FOR ALL DERTS F746225221 "I lent you the money, now I want it back!" STATES ORARYAO SAIN K.D.C. DOLLAR GAZMAA 12 12 5 E 6798384 E ST S LEGAL TEND RICA FOR ALL DEB DEBTS, P THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA FEDERAL RESERVE NOTE E679838461
    via Canva
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    AITAH for not paying my MIL back for a gift to my kids?
    via u/BECfam
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    Im going to get right to the important points in this because it's a long one, and if you want specific details about somethings just ask.
    via u/BECfam
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    I also updated it a bit because of some miscommunication people brought to my attention.
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    We have not been financially struggling, but that is because we don't spend money on expensive things we don't need. When we do buy things that are expensive, we make sure we save to get them. My kids (11 & 4, we are also expecting) never ask for expensive things as well. They both have their own switch, tv, hundreds of
    via https://www.reddit.com/user/BECfam/
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    toys, and literally want for nothing. As well as Me and my husband and I both have our own ps4. The kids are allowed to play on it whenever they ask, so we did not get them their own systems.
    via u/BECfam
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    With that being said, it was kinda shocking when my oldest asked for something out of the ordinary. He asked us for a ps5 and the new Spiderman game. The system alone is expensive. My husband and I talked back and forth about it. Things like the pros, cons, if he
    via u/BECfam
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    was responsible enough, and whatnot. We decided we would get him one but not for Christmas. He's done amazing in school and has been pretty good this year. We told our son how expensive it is and that he won't be able to get it for Christmas. However, we could get it as an
    via u/BECfam
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    early birthday present for him around tax time as long as he continues to do good in school and he is behaving. All was good with that until my MIL asked the kids what they wanted for Christmas. We told her some things, and then my husband felt the need to bring up the ps5 conversation. He asked her if she might
    via u/BECfam
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    want to pitch in on it, so it would be from the 3 of us. When she agreed, my husband decided it would be awesome to buy it and give it to him early because he would not be expecting it. So she sent us her part, and my husband pulled money from savings for our part. When my son received it, we set it all up right away. We
    via u/BECfam
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    made sure to tell him that thanks to grandma pitching in, we were able to get it and that it was an early Christmas gift from the 3 of us. Fast forward a week later, and now all of a sudden, my MIL is calling and texting us,
    via u/BECfam
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    asking when we are paying her back for it. I asked why she was asking. She told me that she was waiting to buy the other Christmas stuff she needed to get after we paid her back! I told her I thought the gift was from the 3 of us. She then said ya, it is because she helped pay for it. I told her that if we had to pay her back for a gift, then it would not be a gift she
    via u/BECfam
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    helped pay for. She completely ignored that and then said well my husband needs to pay her back something. she can't afford the other stuff she needs to get unless we do. I said if we pay her back for her part of the gift, then it will not be from her at all. We also won't be able to get anything for my youngest. She ignored that and said she was running behind and needed to go.
    via u/BECfam
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    10 minutes later, she texts me, asking what things I want her to buy for the baby! Excuse me, what! She just said she can't afford anything till we pay her back, and now she's asking what to get for the baby! I'm 100% confused. I did not respond because I had no clue what to say. Now, she has been texting us every day about it. She texts my husband, telling him to pay her back, and she keeps texting me about baby stuff. I called her
    via u/BECfam
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    yesterday. I made sure to clarify to her that if we pay her back, we won't have the money for Christmas. Had we known we would need to pay her back, we would not have gotten the gift at all. I also told her not to worry about the baby stuff. we dont need anything with other family and friends buying things. She ignored all of it. She's continuing to call and text my husband about the money and continues
    via u/BECfam
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    to call and text me about baby stuff she has bought or is buying. She also keeps telling me she is upset that her son is ignoring her. No matter how many times I talk to her about it. No whater what i say she ignores me. She just keeps at it. Paying her back is not a problem. If we have to, we will pay her back in January. We have no intention of doing so because I find it ridiculous that she
    via u/BECfam
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    expects us to pay her back for a gift that is meant to be from her as well. I also find it ridiculous that she is saying she can't afford anything without us paying her back. If that was the case, why is she buying things for the baby! Why would I want her to buy us anything as if she is doing us a favor if she might end up making us pay her back for it.
    via u/BECfam
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    My husband is at a loss what to do. I told my husband just to keep ignoring her, and if we do pay her back, we can do so in January So, AITAH in this situation?
    via u/BECfam
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    Ravenkelly 7 hr. ago You're confused because she's manipulating you.
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    BECfam OP. 7 hr. ago And that's also frustrating because I'm not used to this kinda backwards with her. let me tell you I could write a book with all the crazy things I have dealt with involving her. However, this is definitely a new level of
    via u/BECfam
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    If you get what I'm saying. She's never done something like this involving my kids. It was just off the wall unexpected. If that makes any sense at all.
    via u/BECfam
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    Oldgal misspt - 5 hr. ago Yeah, NTA. Stop mincing words. You and your husband need to send the same consistent text or the same reply when she asks for the money "back": "you gave $200 as a gift to your grandson, that gift has already been given to him. There is
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    nothing to give back." Do not use the term "pay back", stop playing her game with her words. Be firm, be consistent. Hang up if necessary, turn off phones if necessary.
    via u/Oldgal_misspt
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    roseydaisydandy - 5 hr. ago Take a page from her book, act confused, and ignore when asked outright. Play her game right back to her. Every time she brings up the game, gloat about how your son is so happy she pitched in for it so he could have the ps5 early. Rinse and repeat. Confused, ignore and talk about how happy your son is, over and over.
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    learnedandhumbled - 3 hr. ago And this is why Christmas is about Baby Jesus. Dear Lord she sounds unbelievably exhausting.
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    zanne542 hr. ago Mute her notifications and avoid her calls. She's trying to divide and conquer. Her plan is to cry poor to your husband that his wife is so greedy look at all the things she's demanding as price of admission to my grand baby.
    via u/zanne54
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    I'd also advise you to distance yourself now and keep her as far away from your baby as you are able. Lowest contact you can do. She's dangerous and completely lacking in decent morals.
    via u/zanne54
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    BECfam OP. 2 hr. ago I 100% did not think of this it actually makes me kinda sick to think about. It makes complete sense. She will often buy things and tell people about it. then make it seem like I was ungrateful. The family has told me
    via u/BECfam
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    about it. I've been able to clear things up by showing texts or my oldest telling. them the truth about it. I just always thought it was just her misunderstanding. I would make sure to call her and apologize and thank her again. We even let her stay
    via u/BECfam
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    at our house every other weekend so she can see the kids. I cook, clean, and often just let her be when she's here. I thought I was doing all this to keep the peace. Now I'm wondering how deep I have been digging myself into her manipulation tactics!
    via u/BECfam
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    WhizzoButterBoy . 6 hr. ago. edited 6 hr. ago What ?? When someone asks me to "pitch in" I understand that I'll be paying for part of a gift. Especially since all three are claiming credit for the gift. So ... 1/3 MIL, 2/3 you and hubby
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    So MIL is within her rights to ask for you guys to pay your part of the gift ... unless you explicitly discussed paying her back after tax returns next year So yeah. Unless I misunderstood something. The wall of text is daunting to read but makes it seem like your expectations weren't realistic
    via u/WhizzoButterBoy
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    Edited to change my vote. In your update MIL paid for her third and then wanted her contribution reimbursed. That changes everything ΝΤΑ
    via u/WhizzoButterBoy
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    Informal-Smile6215 · 2 hr. ago MIL needs a quick lesson on the difference between "gift" and "loan".

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